


A Beautiful Lie

by Cock_Zero



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, One Sided Love, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 09:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cock_Zero/pseuds/Cock_Zero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some lies are beautiful while others have ugly truths.</p><p>Gerard and Frank are best of friends, have been since they were toddlers, but Gerard starts to have strong feelings for his friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Addition?

Hi! My name is Gerard Way! I’m six years old but I’ll be seven in, um… seven days! I have brown hair (my mom says it’s the color of dark chocolate) and light brown eyes that turn green when I’m happy. I’m really good at school and I love art. Oh, and my best friend! But not like Mommy loves Daddy. That’s icky. 

My best friend is Frank Iero. He’s also six years old but he’ll be seven on Halloween! He’s so lucky to have a birthday then. His parents throw the best birthday parties! He’s shorter than me and people think he’s a girl for some reason. I don’t know why they think that. It’s silly. He has big brown eyes with these green spots in them and black hair. He gets sick a lot though, so I can’t always play with him. 

I was getting ready to go over to his house to play when Mommy called me into the living room. Daddy and she were sitting on the couch whispering to each other when I came in and sat next to her.

“Gerard, honey. How would you like a new sibling?” Mommy was smiling brightly and I saw Daddy was too. I thought for a second and grinned from ear to ear.

“You’re adopting Frankie?”

“What? Oh no, Gerard, I meant a baby brother or sister. Why would you think we’d adopt Frank?” she laughed and ruffled my hair. The smile dropped from my face.

“But I don’t want a baby brother or sister! I want Frank to be my brother!” I started crying, trying to get my way.

“Now son, don’t be silly. Frank has a loving family,” Daddy laughed, wrapping his arm around Mommy. “Your mother is pregnant. You’re going to have a baby brother or sister in September.”

“NO! I don’t want one! This isn’t fair! You didn’t ask me first!!” I cried, jumping up and running to the door, ignoring my parents’ calls for me to come back. 

I ran at full speed the three blocks to Frank’s house and banged on the door. He opened it quickly, his smile turning into a worried look when he saw I was crying.

“Ge-Gerard? What’s wrong? What happened?” I threw my arms around his neck and cried as he pulled me into the house. “Gerard, talk to me,” he rubbed my back soothingly as we sat on the couch. His mom came in a few minutes later and asked what was wrong. I tried to speak through my tears.

“M-m-mommy-y is-is ha-havi-ing a ba-baby bu-but I-I-I don’t wan-want a b-broth-her or si-sister!” Frank’s mom rubbed my shoulders while I cried and clung to Frank.

“Oh, dear. Why not, Gerard?” she asked.

“Be-because all of-of Mommy and D-daddy’s att-attention wi-will go t-to them an-and I won-won’t be-e l-loved anymore-e!” I cried.

“Oh, sweetheart, that won’t happen. You know I have two younger brothers and I was still loved by my parents. Everything will be alright. Would you like to stay here the night though?”

“Y-yes, please,” I said and looked at her, my eyes wet with tears. Frank still had his arms around my waist, hugging me.

“Alright dear. I’ll make you two some sandwiches for lunch, okay?” She stood up and headed to the kitchen. I had stopped crying and sat up next to Frank.

“Feel better?” he smiled at me. I smiled back weakly and nodded. “C’mon, let’s go play on the swings!” 

We both stood up and headed to the back door through the kitchen. Frank’s mom was on the phone but I didn’t know who she was talking to. She patted my head as I walked by and I smiled.

~

It was September ninth when I heard my mom giving a loud shriek from the living room. It scared me and I thought someone was hurting her. She had gotten so big from the pregnancy and she couldn’t move as fast as she used to. I rushed out of my room and saw my dad entering the living room with a duffle bag in his hand. My mom was holding her stomach and breathing really heavily.

“M-mommy? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” I ran over to the couch and crouched at her feet. My dad was going out to the car with the bag.

“No baby,” she winced and smoothed my hair down. “Mommy’s gonna be having a baby soon. You’ll have a baby brother.” I had gotten used to the idea of a baby brother soon after she told me and I was excited.

“R-really? But why did you scream?” Daddy came back inside and knelt down on Mommy’s other side.

“Having a baby is painful, son. Don’t worry about mommy. She’ll be fine,” Daddy said as he picked mommy up. “C’mon now, go get in the car.” 

I headed out before him and sat in the back seat, buckling my seatbelt. Daddy placed mommy in the front seat and buckled her seatbelt. He also leaned her seat back slightly so she was almost lying down. She was still breathing heavily.

Daddy went back to the house to shut and locked the front door before he got in the driver’s seat and started the car. We backed out of the driveway and headed to the hospital. When we got there, a lady in a pink outfit helped my mom out of the car and into a wheelchair. Daddy grabbed the bag, tossed the strap over his shoulder and we all headed into the building. The lady led us to a room with a bed and two chairs and helped my mom onto the bed. 

About ten minutes later, and lots of groaning from my mom, my grandma showed up and talked for a while with my parents before she turned to me.

“Ready, Gerard?” she smiled and held her hand out. I was confused though.

“Ready for what?” I asked when I took her hand.

“You’re going to stay with Grandma while mommy is in the hospital,” Daddy replied. 

I smiled and said ‘okay’. I loved going over to Grandma’s house. She always made the best cookies and cakes. And she lived even closer to Frank that I did. When we got to her house, I asked her if Frank could come over. She smiled and said ‘of course’. I called him and he was over in less than five minutes. We played all day, until he had to go home when it got dark. .

“Grandma, do you think my brother is born yet?” I asked when she tucked me into bed.

“Your dad would have called me if he had been, so I don’t think so, dear. Not yet,” she kissed my forehead and stood up. “Goodnight Gerard.”

“Night Grandma,” I curled up and she turned the light off, leaving the door just slightly open.

~

I was eating my cereal when Grandma came into the kitchen on the phone.

“Really?... Oh that’s wonderful! And how is Donna doing?... Great!... Okay, I’ll tell him! See you soon, Don.” She hung up the phone and turned to me. I raised my eyebrows and swallowed my cereal. “Your baby brother, Michael, was born early this morning, Gerard.” 

I smiled and ran up to her, hugging her around the waist. “Yay! When can I see him?” I was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

“Your dad said I can take you to see him this afternoon.” I was so happy and excited that the day flew by and before I knew it, we were at the hospital again. My mom was in bed with a small baby in her arms.

“Is-is that Michael?” I slowly walked over to the bed and looked at the baby.

Mommy smiled, “Yes, Gerard. This is you baby brother, Michael James.”

“He’s so small.” I was watching him sleep in my mom’s arms.

“Of course he is, silly,” she laughed and wrapped me in a one arm hug, kissing my forehead. My brother was small, pink and really cute. Plus he was quiet. 

_I think I’m going to like this kid,_ I smiled to myself.


	2. But that's what Mommy does

“Mommy! When’s Frankie getting here?” I whined. It was my ninth birthday and no one had showed up yet so I was getting impatient.

“Soon, dear. Your party doesn’t start for another half an hour. Give everyone time.” She was setting paper cups on the table for everyone. “Go put on your nice shirt, Gerard.”

I ran through the living room, passing Mikey in his play pen, and went upstairs to change my shirt. Mommy had set the nice one out on my bed so I didn’t pull everything out of the dresser again. I yanked the one I was wearing over my head, catching my ears slightly and threw it to the floor before picking up the clean shirt. I struggled slightly to pull the shirt on, but managed after a few minutes.

“And bring your dirty shirt down stairs!” Mommy yelled up the stairs.

“Okay!” I yelled back. Grabbing the shirt off the floor, I skipped down stairs and headed back to the kitchen. Mommy took the shirt from me and walked out to the garage when the doorbell rang. A lot. A grin spread across my face. “I know that ring anywhere!” I ran to the front door and flung it open. There stood my best friend in the whole world, Frank Iero, and his parents. “Frankie!” I threw my arms around his neck while his mom giggled.

“Linda, Frank. Come in, come in.” I let go of Frank when my mom ushered them all inside. “The gift goes on the counter, Linda. You’re the first ones to arrive, but the rest should follow shortly.” Frank’s parents followed my mom to the kitchen while we went to the living room.

“Fwankiee!” Mikey held his arms out when he saw him. “You pway now?” I walked over to the play pen and lifted Mikey out, setting him on the ground.

“Yea, let’s play before everyone gets here,” Frank said, walking over to the toy box and pulling out a handful of toys. More of my friends started showing up and playing with us before my mom said it was time for the party.

“Put the toys away, then its cake time!” she smiled, picking Mikey up and taking him to the kitchen. We quickly put all the toys away and hurried to the kitchen where my mom had set the cake on the table. It was chocolate, my favorite! I counted the candles to make sure she put nine in it. “Don’t worry, Gerard. I counted and there are nine candles,” she laughed.

 _…seven, eight, nine! Perfect!_ I smiled when I counted nine candles myself.

“Everyone ready?” My dad dimmed the lights and everyone gathered around to sing to me. Frank was sitting on my left and another friend, Dylan, was sitting on my right. Seven other boys and girls were at my party, and all of them singing to me. I couldn’t have been happier.

~

Frank was staying the night after my party. We were in my room playing with my new toys.

“Frankie?” I was pushing a toy truck across the carpet.

“Yeah Gee?” He pushed the car he was playing with into mine and made explosion sounds, laughing.

“Do you think we’ll always be friends? Like, even when we’re both grown up with families and stuff?”

He stopped and looked up at me. “Yeah. Why Gee? Is something wrong?” He paused for a minute then broke down in tears. “You’re moving away, aren’t you?! D-don’t move away Geeee! Plea-ease!!” 

I pulled him into a hug, shushing him, “No, I’m not moving away. I could never do that to you.” 

He pulled away from me to look me in the eyes. “Y-you pr-promise?” he pouted his lower lip, ready to cry again.

“I promise,” I smiled. Within a minute, it was like he never started crying. He was laughing and playing again. _That’s my Frankie,_ I laughed to myself.

“What are you laughing about?”

“No, it’s nothing,” I laughed.

“Come on. Tell me! I know it’s something!” He was moving closer on all fours. He looked like he was a cat about to pounce.

“I swear, it’s nothing!” I tried to stop laughing but failed. I slide backwards on the carpet, away from him but he lunged for me and started tickling me. “No! No!” I shrieked.

“Tell me and I’ll stop!” He tickled my sides. My main weakness. I managed to flip him over and tickle his weakness, under his arms. He started shrieking with laughter, begging me to stop, but I didn’t. “Uncle! Uncle! I give! You win!” he shouted between breaths.

“You didn’t stop for me!” I grinned evilly, continuing to tickle his weak spot.

“Ahahhaa no! P-please stop! St-stop! Ow!” A thud was heard when Frank’s face hit the edge of my desk.

“Frank! Are you okay?!” He was holding his mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Eh heat mah moufh” I pulled him into a sitting position and tried to pry his hands away from his face.

“Let me see, Frankie. Is it bleeding? I’m so sorry! I should have stopped!” I cried. He slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth, letting me see the damage. He was still crying and his lip was quivering, but it wasn’t bleeding. “It looks like you lower lip might swell a bit, but it’s not bleeding.” 

He smiled slightly, wiping his tears away with his sleeve. 

“Want me to make it feel better?” I asked.

“Pu-please?” He gave me his usual puppy eyes, making me smile. I leaned over to him and kissed his lower lip, right were it was turning purple. When I pulled back, he was looking at me in shock.

“D-did I do something wrong?” I started biting my nails.

“You… you just kissed me.” His eyes were wide when he stared at me.

“N-no! Oh no! I kissed your lip! Mommy always kisses my bruises to make them feel better. That’s what I was doing!” I was starting to freak out. _Oh no! He thinks I kissed him! Now he’s going to think I’m weird and hate me!_ Suddenly, I felt arms wrap around me. Frank was hugging me.

“Oh well, that’s okay then,” he giggled and we went back to playing.

“Um… ho-how’s your lip?” I asked meekly, barely looking at him.

“Better!” he smiled, making my heart swell.


	3. I've never noticed before

It was my first day of junior high. Seventh grade. I was scared. Frank was too. We stepped out of my mom’s car to the big new school. The junior high building was connected to the high school, making it even scarier for us.

“Have a good first day, you two!” my mom waved to us as she pulled away from the school.

“Shit,” I mumbled as we started walking to the building. We had gotten our schedules in the mail earlier that week and we were in the same classes.

“Well, at least we won’t be separated so we can watch after each other,” Frank smiled faintly, hitching up his bag.

“But our lockers are miles away from each other!” I complained, holding the door open for him. “What if som-“

“Don’t finish that sentence, Gee. Nothing’s going to happen to either of us.” He walked ahead of me into our homeroom, which was also our first period, math. I followed him to the back of the room and we sat down. “I hope the seats aren’t assigned.” 

I laughed, “We’re not in elementary anymore, Frankie.” Setting my bag on the floor, I turned to face his desk.

“Yea, that’s true,” he giggled, covering his mouth.

 _I love his laugh. The way his lips curl up at the cor-woah! Wait! What did I just think? Shit!_ I turned away from Frank, blushing and pretending to cough.

“You okay, Gee?” The concern in his voice made me look at him. He moved over to my desk and crouched down. His eyes wandering over my whole face making me blush again. “Your face is kinda red,” he frowned and placed his hand on my forehead. “It feels like you have a fever. Maybe you should go home, Gee.”

I grabbed his hand and pushed it away a bit rougher than I meant to. “N-no, I’m fine. Just a little hot is all.” I turned to the front of the class and saw the teacher walk in.

“Good morning class. I’m Mr. Toro, but everyone can call me Ray. If everyone would please take a seat,” he looked straight at Frank, “I’ll begin roll call.” 

Frank took his seat and laid his hands on the desk in front of him. I kept mine in my lap. After roll call, we had ten minutes before first period started. Ray said everyone can talk quietly amongst themselves so Frank crouched down at my desk again.

“Gee, are you sure you’re okay?” 

I tried my best to keep my thoughts on puppies and kittens and other un-sexy things. “Uh, yea! I’m fine!” I said kinda fast. He looked at me for a second then changed the subject.

“If you insist,” he shrugged. “So, how ‘bout that teacher? He must be, what, barely twenty three?” he smiled. 

I looked up at our teacher. He was sitting at his desk, with his Vans clad feet propped up on the corner, reading an AP magazine. “He seems pretty cool to me. Is that the new issue of AP he’s reading?” I was reaching into my bag when Frank looked up at him.

“Yea, I think it is. We’ll have to pick it up after school. You gonna draw him?” He noticed I was pulling out my sketchbook and pencil.

“Yea, just the basic pose, really,” I flipped the book open to a clean page and started drawing lines.

“Think you can manage in… seven minutes?” Frank folded his arms over my desk and rested his chin on them.

My eyes darted from our teacher to the page rapidly. “Yea, shouldn’t be too hard.” Frank was playing with my eraser.

“Man, I’m envious of your drawing skills,” he sighed and rolled the eraser across the desk. I grabbed it from his fingers and erased a line before handing it back to him.

“Well I’m envious of your guitar playing skills,” I stated simply. He was silent after that. I knew he was blushing. A few minutes later the bell rang, signalling the end of homeroom.

“If you’re in my math class first, please remain seated,” Ray said from over his magazine. The bell for the start of first period rang a few minutes later and he put his magazine down. I returned my book to my bag with my pencil and eraser, which I had to take back from Frank. He stuck his tongue out at me when I snatched it, making me laugh. “Can person at the front of each row come and pick up a stack of math books? Great,” Ray smiled as a couple of students walked to his desk. He handed out the amount of books they’d need per row. The books were passed backwards and Frank and me got ours last.

~

The school year went quite well for both Frank and me. We were worried we might be targeted and labelled like you see in movies and TV shows, but most people were nice to us. I was really worried Frank would be picked on since he’s younger than everyone in our year, and a few inches shorter too. 

It was Valentine’s Day and the school was holding a dance. Of course, Frank and I were both dateless, so we opted to go together, as friends.

 _Too bad we’re only going as friends,_ I sighed to myself. 

Over the school year, I started to notice more and more things about Frank that I liked. His laugh, the way his nose crinkles when he smiles, the brightness in his eyes when he’s playing his guitar. I’d never tell him this though. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to ruin that. 

_I’m not even gay! Why am I thinking these things? Get control of yourself, Gerard!_

“Hey, man. Don’t space out on me!” Frank snapped his fingers in front of me.

I shook the thoughts from my head. “Huh? Sorry, what were you saying?” He exhaled, clearly tired.

“I said do you just wanna head home? This is kinda boring.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

“Yea. That sounds like a great idea.” I zipped up my jacket as we stepped out of the auditorium. “Think we can make it home without some homicidal maniac trying to kidnap and kill us?” I laughed. Frank’s house was only a ten minute walk from the school.

“I think we can take any if we tried,” he smirked and stood up straight, trying to make himself seem taller. The smug smile on his face made me laugh even harder. “What?” He turned around and walked backwards in front of me. “You think I’m weak, don’t you?” The hurt look he was making made me want to ki- 

_NO! Stop right there Gerard!_ I quickly shook my head and laughed nervously, praying Frank couldn’t read my thoughts. “With all the times we’ve wrestled, I know you’re not weak. But you **are** short.” I patted his head and he tried to bite me. “Oh no! Is widdle Fwankie angwy?” I chuckled, ruffling his hair. He started growling at me and I knew ‘play time’ was starting. I took off running towards his house and he chased after me.

“Yea, you better run, bitch! When I get my hands on you, you’ll wish you never called me short!” We were both laughing hard as we ran. I made it to his house first and tried to open the door quickly but he caught up to me faster than I thought he would and we tumbled through the now open door. His mom was laughing at both of us lying on the floor, Frank on my back.

“Did you boys enjoy the dance?” she giggled, helping Frank to his feet. I pushed myself up after him.

“Not really. It was pretty much all couples kissing and other gross stuff,” Frank headed off to the kitchen. “What we got to snack on, Mom? Ooh... cherry pop-tarts! Nevermind!” he yelled out from the other room.

“Grab me a pack too, will ya? And a soda, too!” I ran upstairs to Frank’s room to wait for him. I kicked my shoes off and threw my jacket on the back of his desk chair, flipping on the TV. I was putting cartoons on when Frank came into the room.

He tosses the pop-tarts at me, hitting me in the chest with them. “There’s your pop-tarts, bitch,” he laughed and placed two sodas on his night stand. “Now get your ass up here.” He curled up on his bed and I soon followed, curling up next to him. 

We were watching cartoons for a little over an hour before I notice Frank had fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder. I looked around quickly before kissing the top of his head and laying him down so he could properly sleep. His mom knocked softly on the door before opening it.

“You’ll be staying the night, Gerard?”

“If that’s okay with you.” I stretched my arms above my head.

“Of course, dear. Get some sleep, you look exhausted,” she smiled.

“Kay. Night Linda.” She flipped off the light and shut the door. I curled up behind Frank, like I always did, and quickly fell asleep.


	4. Truth and Lies?

Mikey sat on my bed, swinging his small legs off the side. I was fixing my hair in my mirror. _Maybe I should dye it black. Mom would probably ground at me though. Heh._

“Why are you taking so long, Gee? It’s just Frank’s birthday. You never cared about your hair before,” Mikey whined, breaking my train of thought.

I moved my hair off my forehead again, trying to get it to stay in one place. “I just wanna look nice is all. Nothing wrong with that.”

“If you say so,” he gave an exaggerated sigh. “I’m gonna go watch cartoons. You’re boring.” He jumped off my bed and ran out of my room, leaving the door wide open.

In truth, I wanted to look good for Frank. I was going to tell him something important today, I just hope he understands me. Searching through my closet, I found my _The Smiths_ shirt and slipped it over my head. Pulling on my nicest pair of jeans, I went over to my bed and reached under it for my sneakers. Lacing them up, I looked in the mirror again, fixing my hair one last time before grabbing the wrapped CD I got for Frank. I headed downstairs, pocketing my keys as I left my room, and told my mom I was leaving.

“Okay, dear. Do you have your keys? Remember, we won’t be home til after 2:00 pm tomorrow,” she called out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, I got them,” I said and opened the front door.

“Have fun then. Tell Frank we said ‘Happy Birthday’!” I grunted a response and walked down the driveway. The journey to Frank’s seemed shorter than normal, probably because I was so excited.

 _I should wait til everyone else is gone before I tell him,_ I smiled to myself. I jogged up to his door and left myself in.

“Gee? Is that you?” Frank’s voice yelled down the stairs.

I made my way further in the house, replying to him, “Yeah, who else would it be? Slender Man?”

“Don’t fucking joke about him, man!” His small frame made its way down stairs as I snickered. “Slender Man is fucking scary! I’m serious! Don’t you fucking laugh asshole!” 

I laughed harder. “Frank, you’re such a gullible pansy! There’s no such thing as Slender Man!” He growled at me as I tried to stifle my giggles. Standing in front of me, I took his features in. He barely grew two inches since seventh grade, standing at a measly 5 foot 2 inch, were as I was 5 foot 7 inch already. His eyes still had their playful greenish-brown hue to them. His lips, curled into a smirk as he glared, were pink and looked really soft and kissable. And he had a jaw line that I desperately wanted to lick and bite at. I had finally managing to stop my laughing. “So short stuff, what’s the plan for today?”

“You’re lucky you’re my best friend or I’d punch you for that,” he folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Never stopped you before,” I snickered, earning a fist to the shoulder.

Frank was glaring at me, trying to scare me, but his smile lessened the effect greatly. “Anyway! I think the plan was to just wait for everyone to show up, have cake and pizza and watch horror movies all night.” He moved to sit on the couch and I followed.

“How many people are staying the night?” I was hoping it be just us for my own selfish reasons. Frank was flipping through the music channels, looking for something good.

He kept it on a channel playing Green Day. “I think it’ll just be us. And my parents, of course.”

“Cool,” I said casually, mentally fist pumping. “Oh, you want your gift now?” I held out the CD.

“Huh? Oh sure.” He took it from me and ripped the paper off. “Fucking awesome, Gee! I’ve been looking for this CD forever! Thanks man, I love you!” My heart felt like it was going to explode when the words left his mouth, but I didn’t know if he meant it like _that_. He reached over and pulled me into a one armed hug, giving me only a few seconds to take his scent in.

 _Vanilla shampoo, as usual,_ I smiled, muttering a ‘you’re welcome’ as we both turned back to the TV. Frank placed the CD on the coffee table as we waited for everyone else to arrive.

~

It was just after midnight and we were sitting on Frank’s bed, watching some gory horror movie. _It’s now or never._ I worked up my courage and took a deep breath before turning to face Frank. “Frank?” My voice sounded really weak to my ears.

“Yeah, Gee?” he turned, looking at me. His eyes were stunning. I wanted to stare into them and get lost forever.

“Um… I uh… I l-l… shit,” I got up and walked to the other side of his room. _Dammit Gerard! Don’t be a fucking pussy!_ I mentally scolded myself. I heard the bed springs creak, telling me Frank got up too. He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around.

“Something wrong, Gee? You can tell me. Remember, I‘m your best friend. I’ll listen, no matter what it is,” he smiled, making my heart melt.

I leaned forward slightly, gathering my courage again. “I love you, Frank.” I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his. I was expecting fireworks but what I got instead was a punch to the jaw and a very disgusted looking Frank. I stumbled backwards, rubbed my jaw, tears welling up in my eyes.

“That’s sick!” He was wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Gerard! Seriously! What the fuck? Is this some kind of fucking joke?!”

“N-no…” I reached out for him but he jerked away before I could touch his arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I pulled my hand back, tears slipping down my cheeks. “Just get the fuck out of my house!” He pointed to his bedroom door, his body shaking slightly.

“F-frank… p-please lis-“ I took a step towards him, but he backed away more. 

“NO!” He cut me off. His eyes scared me. I’ve never seen him so angry. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!” he yelled. His mom appeared at the door.

“Frank, what’s going on?” She looked between both of us. Frank was glaring at me with detest in his eyes and I was crying, my body shaking. “Gerard, honey? What’s wrong?” She walked over to me and rested her hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch him Mom! He’s a sick freak! A faggot!” Frank screamed out causing his mom to jump slightly. It was her turn to glare at Frank.

“Frank Anthony Iero, Jr! I can’t believe you! Gerard has been your best friend since you were both toddlers! And now that he’s gay you’re going to hate him? I thought I raised you better than that!” Frank wasn’t fazed in the slightest. He just turned and sat on his bed, ignoring us. “Come on, Gerard dear. I’ll take you home,” Linda said and calmly led me out of Frank’s room, grabbing my coat as we left. 

Linda broke the silence during the short car ride. “Just give Frank time. He’ll learn to accept you for who you are. Don’t worry. I’ll talk with him when I get home.” The car pulled into my driveway and she put it in park.

“W-what if he-e doesn’t? What i-if he hates me for-forever?” I cried. She pulled me into a comforting hug.

“Don’t worry. Now, get inside and get some sleep.” I opened the car door, about to step out. “And Gerard?” I turned back to look at Linda. “Please, don’t worry, okay?” I gave the best smile I could, even if it was weak and pathetic.

“Okay. Thank you Linda.” I headed up to the front door and pulled out my keys, unlocking the door and stepping inside. I locked the door behind me and heard the car drive away. I managed to make it to my room before I broke down, curling my body into a tight ball and crying into my pillow.

~

It was after 3:00 pm when I finally woke up. My eyes were red and slightly puffy and my throat hurt from all the crying.

 _He didn’t understand. Why didn’t he understand?_ I stayed curled up on my bed, hugging my pillow. I wasn’t paying attention to anything going on around me. I was remember fun all the times Frank and me used to have and will never have again. I didn’t notice that my parents and brother were home.

“Gee? What’s wrong?” Mikey’s chin was resting on my bed, his fingers just clinging to the edge. “Why are you crying?”

I hadn’t even noticed I started crying again. I wiped my face and sniffled. “Um… i-it’s nothing, M-mikey. Just something st-tupid,” I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest.

“But, you look so sad. Maybe Frank can help. You should call him!” More tears spilled out of my eyes at the mention of his name. I buried my face in my knees and felt Mikey climbing onto my bed. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close. I heard another set of feet come in.

“Gerard, it’s di- What’s wrong, dear?” my mother spoke up and sat on the edge of my bed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I-it’s n-nothing. Really.” My voice was cracking on me.

“Talk to me, Gerard. What’s wrong?” She rubbed my shoulder soothingly. I sighed and gave in.

“Um… I’mgayandItoldFrankandnowhehatesme!” I rushed everything out at once before my voice gave up on me completely and I broke down in tears again.

My mom and Mikey didn’t say anything for a minute and I feared they hated me too, but my mom spoke softly. “Oh Gerard, honey. How could he hate you?” She moved Mikey and hugged me tightly. “Don’t worry, dear. I’m sure it was a misunderstanding,” she shushed me softly.

“So….so you d-don’t care that I’m g-gay?” I peered up at my mom over my knees.

“Well, why would I? It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my son and I still love you,” she squeezed my shoulders, smiling sweetly.

“Mama, what’s gay mean?” Mikey suddenly piped up. He was looking at me curiously. Like I had grown a third eye or something.

“It means your brother likes boys instead of girls, dear. And there’s nothing wrong with it,” she explained to him.

“Oh, okay,” he smiled. My mom stood up, holding her hand out to me.

“Come on, Gerard. It’s dinner time. We can talk about Frank later, okay?” I nodded and took her hand, following her and Mikey downstairs.

~

The next day at school was hell. Frank wouldn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. Every time I tried to speak to him, he’d storm off. Then the insults started coming in. Within a week, pretty much the whole school was either ignoring me or calling me various forms of ‘faggot’. I was getting pushed into the lockers or walls on an almost daily basis. I had bruises almost every day.

I had finally got Frank alone one day to try and talk to him. “Please, hear me out Frank! That’s all I’m asking for!” I begged. He had his arms folded over his chest, his fist balled up and he was glaring at me.

“No! There’s nothing to listen to! You’re a fucking queer and I want nothing to do with you! Now get the fuck out of my way!” He tried to push past me to leave the room we were in but I grabbed his wrist.

“Plea-“ I was cut off by his fist hitting my face. I stumbled backwards, holding my cheek.

“Don’t fucking touch me! I HATE YOU GERARD!! Never fucking talk to me again!” And with that, he left.

I tried to talk to him a few more times through out the year, and it usually ended with me getting hit again and him storming off.

~

“He doesn’t care. He’ll never even notice,” I whispered to myself as the razor sliced gently though my forearm. Not enough to kill, just enough to bleed. The pain was nice. It gave me something else to think about so my mind wasn’t on Frank. I’d been cutting since the last time I talked to Frank. “Never enough to kill. Just enough to bleed,” I’d tell myself. I hid the cuts by wearing long sleeves at all time, no matter how hot the weather was. No one had any idea. Not Frank. Not Mikey. Not even my parents. 

“No one will ever notice. No one will ever care.”


	5. Maybe I should

The insults followed me through high school. Even now, when I’m a senior. Rumors about me cutting started spreading around the beginning of tenth grade. No one would even talk to me unless they were beating me up. Even then it was just insults and hate spit in my face. Even Frank was joining in with the insults, venom lacing his voice. I was told to kill myself on a weekly basis, but Frank was never the one to say the words. He’d been ignoring me since the middle of our junior year. Never even saying a word to me or looking in my direction.

Today was the last day of school for seniors. Today was the last chance I had to talk to Frank.

 _Please. Please, let him listen to me. That’s all I ask for. Just one minute, sixty measly seconds, of his time,_ I prayed to no one in particular. 

I was sitting in the bathroom, re-dying my hair black. I’d been dying it since the middle of ninth grade. The timer on my phone went off and I turned the shower on. I striped off my pants and boxers, my shirt had been removed before I dyed my hair, and stepped under the warming water. Tipping my head back to wet my hair, I lathered the dye into my hair then rinsed it out, reaching for my own shampoo.

“Gerard, breakfast is almost ready.” mom yelled through the bathroom door.

“Okay, I’m almost done,” I replied and rinsed my hair. I quickly washed my body and rinsed off. Turning the shower off, I reached for a towel and dried my hair just enough so it wasn’t dripping then wrapped it around my waist. I reached under the counter, seeing the scars running across my arm, and grabbed out the hair dryer, plugging it in.

Once my hair and body were dry, I dressed myself in my clean clothes. Black jeans and a black long sleeve _Planet of the Apes_ shirt. I threw the dirty clothes and towel in the hamper and went to my room to put my socks and shoes on before heading downstairs.

“Gerard, aren’t you too hot in that long sleeve shirt?” My dad set down his newspaper as my mom placed a plate in front of him. Mikey was already eating his cereal.

“No, I’ll be fine,” I quietly said, sitting at the table. My mom placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me.

“Eat up, dear,” she smiled, sitting down with her own plate. We ate breakfast in relative silence. My dad left soon after he was finished eating, kissing my mom on the cheek and telling us to have a good day at school. I laughed in my mind.

 _I haven’t had a good day at school since I confessed to Frank._ Even though I didn’t want to be, I was still in love with him. I couldn’t forget about everything we went through as kids. I couldn’t forget his laugh, or his smile, or even the way his eyes lit up when he got a puppy for his tenth birthday. ‘Snickers’ is what he named him since he was a dark brown and caramel color. _I wonder if Snickers remembers me,_ I sighed.

“Gerard? Are you okay dear? You look kinda down,” mom picked my empty plate up, watching me closely.

“Yeah, just remembering old times with Frank,” I sighed again and she rubbed my shoulder.

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry about you two. I never thought Frank would be _that_ kind of person.” She put a touch of venom in the word ‘that’.

“It’s ok. Um… I’m gonna head to school now,” I stood up and grabbed my bag from the living room. Mikey and my mom followed me out.

She kissed me on the cheek. “Have a good day, Gerard.” I tried to smile but it ended up really weak.

The walk to school wasn’t that long, only ten minutes or so.

~

 _There he is. And he’s alone. Now’s your chance, Gerard._ I had spotted Frank heading around the back of the school just after fourth period. I followed him cautiously, making absolutely sure he was alone. He was lighting a cigarette, his back to me, but he was completely alone. I slowly walked over to him, my breath becoming short in my throat. I stopped two feet behind him. I didn’t move an inch. I tried to speak, but no sound came out of my mouth.

Clearing my throat, I tried again. Frank turned at the sound and glared at me. “Please, all I ask is for one minute of your time, Frank. Then you can ignore me and hate me all you want.” I waited for him to leave but he just stood there, smoking his cigarette.

“One minute,” he stated and crossed his arms.

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say because I thought he would ignore me. 

“I’m waiting.” He threw the cigarette butt to the ground and crushed it, glaring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I started. “I’m sorry I kissed you on your fourteenth birthday. I’m sorry I thought you would feel the same way I did. I’m sorry I’m just some fag who you despise.” He was still glaring at me, hate in his eyes. I locked eyes with him and gathered my strength for my next sentence. “But I’m not sorry for being in love with you. I still am in love with you. And I always will be.” 

“You’re such a fucking pussy. Look at you. Crying. You make me sick.” My heart dropped into my stomach. I felt the hot tears slide down my face. “You’re pathetic. I will never love you! No one will ever love you! Why don’t you do the world a favor and just kill yourself!” The look in his eyes killed me on the inside. He truly hated me. He pushed past me, hitting my shoulder on the way, and went back into the school just as the bell rang.

My knees gave out and I slumped to the ground against the wall. The coarse bricks digging into my back, but I didn’t care. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. By that time, school was over. I waited until I heard no noise before I slowly got to my feet. I stumbled slightly, gripping the wall for support, and slowly made my way home.

Unlocking the front door, I was the first one home, as usual. Mikey would be home before long, but I didn’t care. I had other plans. I headed upstairs to my room and closed the door most of the way. I tossed my bag to the floor and sat down at my desk, pulling my sketch pad towards me. I began to write. Silent tears were falling down my cheeks, hitting the paper.

Once I was done, I stood up and went down to the kitchen. I calmly opened the cabinet we kept our medicine in and pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills, taking them and a glass of water to my room. Setting the glass and bottle on my night stand, I open the drawer and pull out a razor blade and set it next to the glass.

I opened the bottle and pour a handful of pills out, shoving them into my mouth and gulping down half of the water. I gasped once they were down and finished off the glass of water, setting the glass back on the night stand. I looked at the razor for a few minutes before picking it up. I sighed and pushed the sleeve up my left arm past my elbow.

“If this is what he wants, then it’s what he’ll get,” I whispered before bringing the blade down to my skin. I whimpered as the edge sliced deep into my arm, but I pressed harder. The blood was such a deep shade of red and the smell of copper filled my nose. It ran down my arm and hand, dripping onto the floor. My head started spinning after a few seconds and the razor fell from my hand, making a clinking sound on the floor. I dropped to my knees, the puddle of blood becoming larger by the second. I vaguely heard the front door open, Mikey’s calls just barely reaching my ears before I fell face first to the hard floor. My bedroom door creaked open and I heard a gasp before I blacked out.


	6. Why would you say that?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikey's point of view.

Stepping off the school bus, I headed up to my house and opened the front door. It was really quiet inside. Gerard wasn’t even playing any music. I called out my brother’s name and headed up stairs to put my back pack in my room. I noticed his door was slightly open when I reached the top of the stairs. 

_Weird. He never leaves his door open._ I pushed it open further and stepped inside.

“Gera-“ I stopped short when I saw my brother laying on the floor, blood on his arm and underneath his body. “GERARD?!” I yelled and ran to him, tears forming in my eyes. He wasn’t moving but he was still breathing. “Gerard! Wake up!” I shook his shoulder roughly, but he did nothing. “Oh no! Oh no! What do I do?!” I started panicking and hyperventilating. I grabbed Gerard’s arm that was cut and squeezed it, trying to stop the blood flow. Then I remembered Mama always said if anything bad happens to any of us to call 9-1-1.

I reached for the phone on Gerard’s night stand, knocking a glass to the ground which broke, and quickly dialled the number, keeping the pressure on his arm the whole time. “Please pick up! Please pick up! Plea-Hello! Please help! My brother is hurt and bleeding!” I spoke over the man talking calmly to me.

“Calm down, young man. Take a deep breath and tell me your address. I’ll send an ambulance.” I quickly said our address and cried. “An ambulance should be there in a few minutes. How bad is he bleeding?” he asked.

“Bad! There’s a lot of blood on his arm!” I choked through my tears, still holding his arm.

“Okay, what I need you to do is put pressure on the cut. Can you do that for me?”

“I am! I’m holding it b-b-but the blood ke-eeps comin-ng!” I cried.

“Just keep pressure on it. Is he awake? Can he talk?”

“No! He won’t wake up! Please help!”

The man on the phone was trying to calm me down as I spoke. “Is he breathing?” I could hear him typing very fast on a computer.

“Y-yes! But not it’s not v-very goo-od!” I hiccupped.

“His breathing is shallow,” he said to himself, typing again. I heard the front door open and a woman called out.

“UP HERE!!” I yelled out and heard her footsteps pounding up the stairs. Two people in blue uniforms, one with a large plastic box, came into the room and rushed over to me and Gerard. The man put the box down while the woman carefully rolled Gerard over to his back and moved me out of the way.

“Stay here. We’re going to help him.” I stood up and grabbed my shirt, wringing it through my hands. I saw them put a mask over Gerard’s mouth and wrap a cloth around his arm. The lady spoke into a walkie talkie and a few minutes later another man came into the room with a stretcher. 

I looked frantically around the room and saw Gerard’s sketch book lying on his desk. _He never leaves that out._ I quickly ran over to it and saw he had written in it. I closed it and held it close to my body, running back over to my brother. 

The two men lifted his body and laid him on the stretcher before buckling him in and taking it out of the room. The lady crouched down in front of me with a bottle in her hands. “Did he take these?” she asked, showing me the bottle. It was sleeping pills.

“I-I-I don’t know! I just f-found him-im lying th-there!” I cried out, tears falling down my face. She pulled me into a hug and shushed me.

“Shh... It’s ok. We’re going to help your brother. Are your parents home?” she asked, rubbing my back. I shook my head no, crying into her shirt. “Come on then. We’ll take you to the hospital and call your parents from there.” She picked me up and carried me down stairs and out the front door, closing it behind her.

~

“MIKEY!! Oh Mikey! How is your brother? Have they said yet? Where is he?” Mama ran over to me and grabbed me in a tight hug. She was crying which made me cry even harder.

“I-I-I don’t kn-know, Mama!” I sobbed. I was still holding Gerard’s sketch book and my shirt was covered in his blood. Mama picked me up and held me in her lap as she sat down in the waiting area of the hospital. She was mumbling to herself and I couldn’t understand what she was saying.

A doctor came over to us a while later and Mama set me on down and stood up.

“I’m Dr. Shafer. Are you Gerard’s mother?” she asked. 

“How is he?” she managed to say.

Dr. Shafer looked at her clipboard before speaking again. Mama had started to shake slightly, her hand grasping mine tightly. “He’s stable. He lost a lot of blood and we lost him for a few minutes,” She said and Mama gasped and grabbed her chest, “But we managed to bring him back. We also had to pump his stomach. He had ingested a large number of sleeping pills. Unfortunately, he has not regained consciousness and we don’t know if he’ll have brain damage from lack of oxygen.” 

Mama’s hand squeezed mine tighter. I didn’t fully understand what was going on and I looked up to Mama.

“What’s con-shus-ness?” I asked, gripping the book in my hand.

The doctor kneeled down to my level and spoke softly. “It means he hasn’t woken up yet. And when he does, we don’t know if he’ll be the same Gerard that you remember.”

“But… but he’s still my brother. How can he be different?” Mama had sat back down and was crying into a tissue.

“He…” Dr. Shafer started. “He might not remember what happened, your Mama, Daddy or even you.” Tears filled my eyes.

“You’re lying! He WILL remember me! He LOVES me! And Mama! And Daddy!” I cried out, clutching the book in my arms. The doctor stood up and started talking to Mama again. I wasn’t listening but I felt Mama’s hand on my back, leading me along the hallway. We ended up at a door and the doctor opened it.

Gerard was lying on a bed with wires coming out of his hospital gown. There was a needle in his right arm that had a tube going into a bag of what looked like water. Mama nudged me forward and sat me down in a chair on his left side. His arm was bandaged from the wrist to halfway up his forearm. I saw thin pink cuts and thin white scars all the way up to his inner elbow. Mama grabbed his hand gently and started crying when she saw them. She started talking to Gerard, even though he was asleep.

I suddenly remembered the sketch book in my arms and opened it to the page he had written on.

_My name is Gerard Way._

_I’m 18 years old and I’m gay. My family accepts this but the one person I love does not. That person is Frank Iero. He was my best friend until I fell in love with him. I told him I loved him and kissed him on his 14th birthday, hoping he would feel the same way. He didn’t. He hit me. Told me to leave his house. Told me he never wanted to see me again._

_He told everyone at school I was gay. I got beat up weekly because of it. I tried to talk to him again but he hit me again and said he hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. I started cutting that year. It was the only way I could forget about the pain of having my heartbroken by the one person I truly loved._

_Today, the last day of school, I tried to talk to Frank again. I told him I was sorry for kissing him. Sorry for thinking he’d feel the same way about me. Sorry for being a fag that he despises. But I was not, and am not, sorry for loving him._

_He told me I was pathetic. That no one would love me. That HE would never love me. He told me to kill myself. So that’s what I’m doing. I know he won’t be sad to find out I did what he asked. He’ll probably be happy that I’m completely out of his life._

_I’m sorry Mom, Dad and Mikey, but I can’t live in this world if he doesn’t want me here._

_I just wish he loved me the way I love him._

_xoxoG_

I heard the door close. “Mikey, honey. What are you reading?” I looked up at her through my tears.

“F-frank… he-he told hi-im to k-k-ki…” Her face fell in shock and she quickly enveloped me in a tight hug. “HetoldGerardtokillhimself!” I rushed out, choking on my sobs.

“Frank? Are you sure?” I handed her the book and her eyes went wide when she read it. “Oh… oh no… no… no no no!” She hugged me again and cried even harder than I was. 

~

I woke up on the small couch in the room and heard Daddy talking softly. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Mama and Daddy were sitting on either side of Gerard, both of them holding a hand. The door opened a few minutes later and Mrs. Iero walked in followed by…

“NO!!!” I jumped up and screamed. “You can’t be here!! You did this to my brother!! YOU TOLD HIM TO KILL HIMSELF!!!” I yelled at Frank. He stood in shock in the doorway, his eyes wide as he looked between me and Gerard lying in the bed. Everyone else in the room looked between me and Frank. His mother covered her mouth, anger in her eyes when she looked back to her son.

“You… you told him to do this, Frank? How could you? You’re fucking homophobia was bad enough, but this?! How could you?” she whispered the last part. Frank didn’t say anything. He just looked at Gerard. “Go! Sit outside! We’ll talk about this later!” Mrs. Iero said and he left, shutting the door on his way. I thought I saw a tear fall down his cheek.


	7. It's better if I stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank's point of view.

I was sitting on my bed, casually strumming Pansy, when I heard my mom freak out.

“What?! Is he okay?... I’ll be there as quick as I can!” She started rushing around the house. 

_What’s up with her?_ I set Pansy on my bed and left my room. “Mom? What are you doing?” I saw she was on the verge of tears when she turned to me.

“Oh, Frankie! It’s… it’s…” Tears slipped from her eyes and she hugged me tightly. My eyes widened, fearing something was wrong with Dad.

“Mom. Talk to me. What’s wrong,” I tried to pry her off me.

She wiped her eyes before speaking, “It’s Gerard, dear. He’s… he’s in the hospital.”

“Yeah, and?” I said sarcastically. I didn’t really care. She knew we hadn’t even talked properly for over three years. What ever happened to him, he probably deserved.

My mom glared at me for my tone. “He tried to kill himself, Frank,” She grabbed her purse and walked to the door. I just stood there in shock.

“He… he…” I never had my heart broken before but I’m sure it felt something like this. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. My knees became weak. My hands shook.

“Get in the car if you’re coming!” she called out, leaving the house. I don’t remember moving, but the next thing I knew, I was in the car on the way to the hospital. It took about forty five minutes to reach the hospital because of the traffic, but once the car was parked, we rushed inside to the information desk.

“Gerard Way’s room, please?” Mom asked the man at the desk. He typed into a computer and told us the room number.

“Fourth floor, room 412. Elevator is down that hall,” he smiled. Mom thanked him and grabbed my arm, dragging me along with her. I didn’t say a word, not even when she opened the door and we both walked in.

Gerard was just lying on the bed, wires coming off of his body. His skin even paler than usual.

“NO!!!” I jumped slightly when I heard a yell. I looked over at Mikey, Gerard’s younger brother. He had a look of hatred in his crying eyes and it was directed at me. “You can’t be here!! You did this to my brother!!” He was pointing at me and everyone looked at me. “YOU TOLD HIM TO KILL HIMSELF!!!” There was a gasp heard around the room but I didn’t say anything. I just looked, wide eyed, between Mikey and Gerard’s frail body lying on the bed.

Mom’s eyes fixed on me, anger filling her voice as she spoke, “You… you told him to do this, Frank?” I couldn’t take my eyes off Gerard when she spoke to me. A thousand thoughts were sprinting through my brain. “How could you? Your fucking homophobia was bad enough, but this?!” she yelled out, glaring at me. “How could you?” I looked at her when she whispered the last sentence. The emotion that I felt strongest broke through. Regret. My eyes glanced back to Gerard as she spoke again. “Go! Sit outside! We’ll talk about his later!”

I tore my gaze from his body and walked back through the door. I felt something warm work its way down my cheek as I past through the door frame. The warmth continued as I made my way over to a chair and sat down, folding my hands together and resting my elbows on my knees. It was only then I realized I was crying. The tears dripping onto my hands in a steady rhythm.

 _Why? Why did he do this? I never wanted him to actually try it! Why the fuck did I have to say it to him?! This is all my fucking fault! I’ll never forgive myself if he dies!_ I gripped my hair with both hands and just let my tears fall freely.

I wasn’t sure how long I was sitting in the waiting room, but my tears had dried on my face by the time Mom came back. She had what looked like a sketch book in her hands. _Gerard’s?_ I wondered, looking at it as she held it out to me.

“Read it,” she stated simply. 

My hands were shaking as I took it from her, seeing blood smeared into the cover. I opened the book, searching through the artwork for something to ‘read’, as my mom said.

 _I never knew Gerard was so good at drawing._ Most of the pictures were landscapes or his family or even random people walking on the sidewalk or kids playing at the park. About halfway though the book, I saw a really detailed portrait. It was me. Gerard had gotten every tiny detail right. From the small indent scar near my right eyebrow to the small mole on my left cheek. Even my nose and lip rings looked realistic. I flipped the page once more and saw a letter Gerard had written.

My tears had started to run the ink by the time I was done reading it. “I…I…” I choked on my words. Mom was sitting next to me, waiting for a response. “I never wanted him to actually do it,” I whispered. “I didn’t know he had been cutting. I didn’t know he loved me that much. This is all my fault. I wish it was me instead.” She pulled me into her arms as I cried, clutching the sketch book to my chest.

~

Gerard had been in the hospital for over three weeks now. He hasn’t woken up and it kills me every day. I try to visit him, but Mikey always stands in the door way, hands on his hips, scowling at me. I don’t blame him. It’s my fault Gerard’s in the hospital in the first place. From the few times I managed to glance at him, before Mikey pushes me from the room, I notice he was getting more color to his skin. His breathing seemed to be improving too. 

I was writing some song lyrics when my mom came into my room. “He’s awake.” It took me a minute to register what she had said.

“He-he’s awake? Gerard?! Gerard’s awake?!” I jumped up from my chair and hugged my mom. “Can I see him? Please? I need to apologize to him!” When I released her and pulled back, I saw sadness in her eyes. No, it was more than sadness. It was grief. “What? What’s wrong?” I pleaded.

“Gerard… he doesn’t remember anything that happened between you two. The doctor said it’s a form of amnesia. Like he’s blocking out all the bad in his life.” 

I cut her off before she could continue, “I don’t care! I still need to apologize. Even if he doesn’t know what it’s for!”

She put her hands on my shoulders, a few tears slipped down her cheeks. “There’s more, Frank. His mom said… wh…when he was first brought to the hospital, he had lost a lot of blood. They lost him during surgery, they managed to bring him back, but his heart stopped for too long.” My stomach dropped to the floor. “Hi-his brain lacked oxygen for too long. He ended up with brain damage, Frank. He’s like a child again.” I started to shake.

“W-what?” I was trying to process the information. But-maybe this meant we could start over. Maybe…

“Come on. His mom said we can visit him today.” She left my room and I followed quickly after, stopping at the door.

“Wait!” I turned around and ran to my desk, pulling out Gerard’s sketch book. I ripped out the page with his letter and left it on my desk, cradling the book in my arms. “Okay. I’m ready.” We headed out to the car. A little over half and hour later we were exiting the elevator and walking down the hallway to Gerard’s room.

Mikey stood in the doorway, once again. He didn’t want me to enter.

“Let him in, Mikey,” Mr. Way called out. Mikey pouted his lip but moved none the less, allowing me to enter the room.

Gerard was sitting up in bed, smiling happily at his mom. He looked at me and his smile widened. “Fwankie! You came!” He sounded very childish when he spoke. Almost like that of a four year old. “Sit here!” he demanded and pointed to a chair beside him. It was actually kinda cute. I walked over to the chair he pointed at and sat down. “What do you have, Fwankie? Is it for me?” I couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Um… yeah. It’s something that belongs to you, actually,” I said and held out the book.

“It’s mine?” I looked up when he took the book, his eyes were wide and sparkling. Like a kid who got the toy he wanted for Christmas. He flipped the cover open a bit roughly, but was more careful once he saw what was inside. “Pwetty.” He gently stroked his fingers over the artwork. “Did you dwaw them?” he looked at me.

I shook my head, “No, Gerard. You drew them.” I looked around the room and saw we were alone. “Where did everyone go?”

“I don’t know,” Gerard shrugged his shoulders in an exaggerated way. I turned back to him and watched as he set the book in his lap. I saw the bandage had been removed from his arm, revealing the deep scar underneath. I also saw at least fifty, maybe more, thinner scars going from his wrist to the inside of his elbow. It made me sick to my stomach to know that I had caused him to make those. “Why are you cwying, Fwankie?” he asked and grabbed my hands which laid on the edge of the bed. I didn’t even know I was crying until he said something.

I brought my head up, looking him deep in the eyes. “Be-because I did this to you, Gerard! I’m the reason you’re in the hospital! It’s all my fault and I’m so fucking sorry!” I cried out, bowing my head in shame. “I don’t know how I can ever make this up to you and I’ll understand if you hate me and never want to speak to me again.” 

Two hands gently cupped my face and lifted it up. “Fwankie? Please look at me,” Gerard pleaded. I opened my eyes to see tears slipping down his round pale. “I could never hate you. I love you too much.” It felt like my heart stopped beating.

_He still loves me? After all I’ve said and done to him?_

“I know you don’t feel the same way, but I don’t care! You’ll still be my fwiend, wight?” He waited for my answer, never tearing his gaze from my own.

“I-I… yes, Gerard. I’ll still be your friend.” He grinned happily and threw his arms around my neck, pulling me in for a tight hug.

“Yay! I knew you’d be my fwiend!” he giggled, pulling away from me. I smiled just from knowing he was happy.


End file.
